The call came at 3 a.m. from the nursing home, or you were sitting with your father when he took his last breath. Either way, you're now facing a mix of sorrow, exhaustion and questions: who do I call, what do I sign, what has to happen today? Much less is urgent than it feels.
This checklist draws on USAGov, the Social Security Administration, Medicare, the IRS and VA. It's general information, not legal or tax advice. Laws on estates vary by state, and an estate attorney can help with anything complicated.
In the first hours
- Get a legal pronouncement of death. If your parent died in a hospital, nursing home or under hospice care, staff handle this. If your parent died at home without hospice, call 911.
- If hospice was involved, call the hospice first. The hospice nurse can come, confirm the death and help with next steps. See what hospice provides.
- Call close family and friends. Ask one or two people to spread the word so you don't have to make every call.
- Check for written wishes. Look for funeral instructions, a prepaid funeral plan, or wishes about organ donation or body donation, which may be time-sensitive.
- Contact a funeral home. It will transport your parent and walk you through options.
- Secure the home and pets. If your parent lived alone, lock up, care for pets and take valuables to a safe place.
In the first few days
- Make funeral or memorial arrangements. Ask the funeral home for an itemized price list in writing before you commit, and choose only what you want.
- Give the funeral home your parent's Social Security number. Funeral homes generally report the death to Social Security14.
- Order certified copies of the death certificate. You'll need them for most agencies and programs2. Many families order several.
- Find the will and key papers. See the document list below.
- Tell your parent's employer, if they were still working, about final pay and any benefits.
- Ask someone to watch the mail. Bills, benefit letters and statements will show you what needs to be closed.
Social Security accepts death reports only by phone or in person, not online2. If a funeral home isn't involved or doesn't report the death, call Social Security with your parent's name, Social Security number, date of birth and date of death1.
Social Security and Medicare
Social Security notifies Medicare when it gets the report of death24, and your parent's Social Security benefits stop2. Social Security can't pay benefits for the month of death. If your parent died in July, the payment that arrives in August, which is for July, must be returned2. If it came by direct deposit, contact the bank and ask it to return that payment and any later ones2. For what a surviving parent may get, see Social Security survivor benefits.
A surviving spouse may be able to get a small one-time death payment, and certain family members may be eligible for monthly survivor benefits1. Ask when you call. If you were your parent's representative payee, Social Security will tell you how to account for the funds; see representative payees.
Who else to notify
USAGov lists these government agencies and programs to contact, usually with a certified death certificate and your parent's Social Security number2:
- State motor vehicles office. Cancel the license or ID and transfer any vehicle title.
- IRS. Through the final tax return.
- U.S. Department of State. Return the passport for cancellation to help prevent identity theft.
- State social services. Cancel SNAP, Medicaid, rental assistance and similar benefits. If your parent had Medicaid, also see Medicaid estate recovery.
- Local election office. Cancel voter registration.
- VA, DFAS or OPM. For veterans, military retirees and federal retirees.
Also notify banks, credit card companies, the three credit bureaus, insurers, utilities and subscriptions2. Telling the credit bureaus helps prevent identity theft, which is a real risk after a death. See elder financial abuse for warning signs of fraud.
Documents to gather
- Certified death certificates.
- The will and any trust documents.
- Social Security number and Medicare card.
- Marriage certificate, and military discharge papers (DD-214) if a veteran.
- Recent bank, investment and retirement statements.
- Life insurance policies and annuities.
- Deeds, vehicle titles and loan documents.
- Recent tax returns.
- Insurance cards and recent medical bills.
If your parent kept a list of accounts and passwords, keep it secure. If not, the mail and a year of bank statements will reveal most accounts. Our guide to managing a parent's finances has a list of what to look for.
The estate and the executor
A power of attorney ends at death, so the person who managed your parent's money under it no longer has authority. See power of attorney. Instead, the executor named in the will, or an administrator appointed by the court if there's no will, handles the estate. That usually means a probate process in the county where your parent lived, though some property, like accounts with a named beneficiary or jointly owned property, passes outside probate.
Don't pay your parent's debts out of your own pocket or distribute belongings until you understand the process. Debts are generally paid from the estate. Being an authorized user on a parent's credit card generally doesn't make you responsible for the debt5. If a collector says you co-signed, you can ask for proof5. Rules vary by state, so ask the probate court clerk or an estate attorney.
Taxes
The person handling the estate must file your parent's final income tax return, reporting all income up to the date of death and claiming eligible credits and deductions3. If your parent hadn't filed returns for earlier years, those may need to be filed too3. The IRS points survivors to Publication 559 for help, and to Form 1310 to claim a refund owed to a deceased person3. Free tax help for older adults is available through IRS volunteer programs6.
If your parent lived in a care community
If your parent lived in assisted living, memory care or a nursing home, ask the community how long you have to clear the room, what the contract says about charges after a death, and how any deposit or prepaid amounts are handled. Your parent's assisted living contract or nursing home admission agreement should spell this out. Ask for an itemized final statement. Return any rented medical equipment, and cancel home care or other services.
If your parent lived alone at home
A home left empty after a death needs attention quickly. Tell the homeowner's insurance company, because some policies change coverage when a home is vacant. Keep the heat on in winter so pipes don't freeze, stop newspaper and meal deliveries, and ask a neighbor to keep an eye on the house. Remove medications, especially opioids, and dispose of them safely at a pharmacy or drug take-back site. Don't throw away paperwork in the first weeks; old statements and envelopes often lead you to accounts and policies you didn't know about. If your parent rented, read the lease and tell the landlord in writing. If your parent had home care, medical alert service or rented equipment like a hospital bed or oxygen, call each company to end service and arrange pickup. Changing the locks is reasonable if many people had keys. Finally, take photos of each room before anything is moved. Photos help with insurance, with the estate inventory, and with dividing belongings fairly among siblings later.
If you live far away, a trusted local friend can handle some of this. Our guide to long-distance caregiving has ideas for coordinating from a distance.
In the weeks and months after
- Keep a log. Write down every call: date, name and what was said.
- Close or transfer accounts once you have authority as executor.
- Forward mail. Through the Postal Service.
- Handle the home. Keep insurance active and utilities on until it's sold or transferred.
- Distribute belongings after debts and the estate process allow.
Expect the paperwork to take months. That's normal.
Grief and taking care of yourself
If you were a caregiver, you may feel relief alongside sadness, then guilt about the relief. All of that is normal. Your days may suddenly feel empty after months or years organized around care. Hospice programs usually offer bereavement support to families for a time after a death, even for families who used hospice only briefly. Grief groups can help too; see caregiver support groups. Don't make big decisions, like selling your own home or quitting a job, in the first weeks if you can avoid it.
Sharing the work with siblings
Old family tensions can flare after a death, especially around money and belongings. It helps to divide tasks clearly: one person handles the funeral, another the paperwork, another the house. Keep communication in writing and share copies of documents. If the will names an executor, let that person lead the legal steps, and keep everyone informed. If disagreements grow, a mediator or estate attorney can help before they turn into a dispute.
An example
After her mother died in memory care, Lena gave the funeral home her mother's Social Security number and ordered several certified death certificates. The funeral home reported the death to Social Security, which notified Medicare. Lena's bank returned the next month's Social Security deposit. As executor, she found a list of accounts in her mother's desk, filed the final tax return with free help from a volunteer tax site, and met her brother monthly to go over progress. This is an illustration; every estate is different.
