A month ago your dad could still shuffle to the bathroom with his walker. Now he can't get out of bed, and you've become his nurse, his aide and his night shift all at once. You're learning as you go, and you worry about hurting him or missing something important.
You don't have to figure it out alone. Many families care for a bedridden parent at home, whether during recovery from an illness or surgery, in the late stages of dementia, or near the end of life. This guide walks through the daily routines that keep your parent safe and comfortable, and the help you can lean on. It's general information. Ask your parent's doctor, nurse or therapist to show you each skill in person.
Getting started: talk with the care team
Before you settle into a routine, ask the doctor why your parent is bedbound and whether it's likely to be temporary or permanent. A parent recovering from surgery or a stroke may regain movement with therapy, while a parent with advanced illness may not. That answer shapes everything from equipment to goals. See hip fracture recovery and stroke recovery.
Ask the doctor whether your parent qualifies for home health services. A nurse, physical therapist or occupational therapist can visit, check the setup and teach you to turn, bathe and transfer your parent safely. See does Medicare pay for home health care and home care vs. home health.
Setting up the room
Put the bed in a room on the main floor if possible, near a bathroom, with space to walk around both sides. Good lighting, a bedside table within reach, a call bell or baby monitor, and a chair for visitors all help. Keep supplies such as gloves, wipes, pads, barrier cream and clean linens together in one place.
Medicare Part B may cover a hospital bed as durable medical equipment when it's medically necessary and your parent's doctor orders it for use at home4. Use a supplier enrolled in Medicare, and ask before you order whether the supplier accepts assignment, since that affects what you'll owe4. Depending on the item, Medicare may require renting or buying4. Ask the care team about a pressure-relieving mattress, a bedside commode, a slide sheet and a wheelchair.
Turning and repositioning
Changing your parent's position in bed every two hours helps keep blood flowing, keeps the skin healthy and prevents bedsores1. Each turn is also a good time to check the skin1.
- Explain first. Tell your parent what you're going to do and encourage them to help if they can1.
- Set up. Raise the bed to a height that protects your back and make it flat1.
- Turn gently. With one hand on the shoulder and one on the hip, shift your weight and roll your parent toward you1.
- Check the position. Ankles, knees and elbows shouldn't rest on each other, the head should line up with the spine, and arms shouldn't be trapped under the body1.
- Add pillows. Use pillows for comfort and to keep pressure off bony spots12.
A written turning schedule by the bed helps everyone stay on track, especially overnight.
Moving your parent up in bed
People who stay in bed slowly slide down. Moving them the wrong way can injure their shoulders and tear their skin, and can hurt your back3. It takes at least two people to move someone up in bed safely3.
- Use a slide sheet, or a bed sheet folded in half as a draw sheet3.
- Never pull your parent up by grabbing under the arms3.
- Lay the bed flat, roll your parent onto the sheet, and pull rather than lift toward the head of the bed on a count of three3.
- If your parent can help, ask them to bend their knees and push with their heels as you pull3.
If you're often alone, ask a physical therapist about other tools, such as a mechanical lift, and how to use them safely.
Protecting the skin
Pressure sores are one of the biggest risks for anyone confined to bed6. Check the skin from head to toe every day, paying close attention to the heels, ankles, hips, tailbone, spine, shoulder blades, elbows, back of the head and ears2. Call the provider for redness, warm spots, spongy or hard skin, or any break in the skin2.
- Use a foam, gel or air mattress2.
- Lift the heels with a pillow under the calves, and don't put pillows under the knees2.
- Keep sheets dry, smooth and free of wrinkles2.
- Avoid clothes with thick seams, buttons or zippers that press on the skin2.
See our full guide to bed sores in the elderly for the stages and when to worry.
Bathing in bed
For a parent who can't safely leave the bed, daily bed baths keep the skin healthy, control odor and add comfort7. If moving hurts, give the bath after pain medicine has taken effect7.
- Gather supplies first: gloves, a basin of warm water, soap or no-rinse cleanser, washcloths, a towel and lotion7.
- Warm the room and close doors and windows to prevent drafts7.
- Uncover only the part you're washing, for warmth and privacy7.
- Wash from face to feet, then roll your parent to wash the back7.
- Let your parent do as much as they can themselves7.
- Use the bath to check skin folds and bony areas for redness or sores7.
Premoistened no-rinse cloths and no-rinse shampoo caps make bathing quicker on hard days7.
Toileting and incontinence
Ask whether a bedside commode, urinal or bedpan fits your parent's needs. Many bedbound adults also have incontinence. Change wet or soiled briefs and pads right away, clean and dry the skin well, and ask the provider about creams that protect it2. Absorbent pads under the hips help keep the skin dry2. See incontinence in older adults.
Watch for constipation, which is common with little movement, pain medicines and low fluid intake. Tell the doctor if your parent hasn't had a bowel movement in several days, or if urine becomes dark, cloudy or strong-smelling.
Eating, drinking and mouth care
Sit your parent fully upright to eat and drink, and keep them upright for a while afterward to lower the risk of choking and aspiration. Offer small, frequent meals with protein, and keep fluids within reach. Enough calories, protein and water help keep the skin healthy2. Brush teeth or clean dentures daily. Coughing at meals or a wet-sounding voice after swallowing is a reason to ask about a swallowing evaluation. See pneumonia in older adults, when an elderly parent won't eat and dehydration.
Comfort, movement and mood
Being in bed all day is lonely and boring. Open the curtains, keep a routine, put favorite photos in view, play music or audiobooks, and invite short visits. If the care team allows, gentle range-of-motion exercises for arms and legs help prevent stiffness. Watch for signs of depression, such as withdrawal or not wanting to eat, and mention them to the doctor. See depression and loneliness in older adults.
A sample day of care
Every family's routine looks different, but writing one down helps helpers share the work and makes sure nothing is missed. Here is one example to adapt with your parent's care team:
- Morning. Check the skin while changing and washing, help with mouth care, sit your parent up for breakfast and medicines, and change the bed linens if needed.
- Midday. Turn and reposition, offer fluids, give lunch upright, and try a few gentle range-of-motion exercises if the therapist approves.
- Afternoon. Turn again, check pads, offer a snack and drink, and make time for a visit, a call or music.
- Evening. Dinner upright, evening medicines, a wash and a final skin check, then smooth, dry sheets and pillows in place.
- Overnight. Position changes as the care team advises, with a quiet light and a call bell or monitor close by.
Keep a simple log of turns, meals, fluids, bowel movements, medicines and anything unusual. A log helps the doctor or home health nurse spot problems early.
Sharing the work with family
Caring for someone in bed is too much for one person over the long run. Hold a short family meeting to divide jobs. One person might handle overnight shifts on weekends, another groceries and pharmacy runs, another bills and insurance calls. Siblings who live far away can still help by managing appointments, ordering supplies online or covering the cost of a paid aide for a few hours a week. Put the plan in writing and revisit it every month or two as needs change. See long-distance caregiving and caregiver agreements with family.
Warning signs to watch for
Caring for yourself
Caring for a bedridden parent is round-the-clock work, and caregivers often neglect their own health. Ask for help, accept offers, keep your own medical appointments, and take regular breaks58. Protect your back by using the bed height, a slide sheet and a second person for moves3. Many families combine family care with a paid aide for bathing or overnight shifts. See caregiver burnout, respite care and home care agency vs. private caregiver.
When home care is no longer enough
At some point, a parent may need more skilled care than a family can safely give at home, or the caregiver's health may be at risk. A nursing home or a short rehab stay may be the right choice. See skilled nursing facility vs. nursing home and how to choose a nursing home. For a parent with a serious illness, palliative care or hospice can bring a team, equipment and support to your home9. See what hospice provides. Talk about wishes and put them in writing with an advance directive10.
