For many older adults, a house is full of more than furniture. There are photos, letters, tools, kitchen things from decades of family meals, and boxes nobody has opened since the last move. Deciding what to keep can be exhausting, and it can bring up grief, guilt or worry.
Whether your parent is moving to a smaller place, to a relative's home or into senior living, these steps can help make downsizing manageable, for them and for you.
Give yourself enough time
Downsizing goes best when it isn't rushed. If a move is planned, try to start two to three months ahead. If you're thinking about a move in the next few years, it's never too early to begin clearing out the attic or garage.
A rough timeline might look like this:
| When | What to do |
|---|---|
| 8 to 12 weeks before | Measure the new space, make a floor plan, start with storage areas |
| 6 to 8 weeks before | Sort room by room, offer items to family |
| 4 to 6 weeks before | Arrange sales, donations and pickups |
| 2 to 4 weeks before | Book movers, change your address, pack what you're keeping |
| Last week | Pack an essentials box, clean, do a final walk-through |
Sudden moves after a hospital stay can't always follow this. Focus on essentials first and sort the rest later.
Start with the new space
Before deciding what to keep, find out what will fit. Ask the new community or landlord for a floor plan with measurements, or measure it yourself. Then measure the furniture your parent loves most.
Sketch where each piece would go. A favorite recliner, a bed, a dresser, a small table and a few chairs may be all that fits in an assisted living apartment. Seeing it on paper makes decisions about everything else much easier.
How to sort: keep, give, sell, donate, discard
Set up clearly labeled areas or boxes for each category, and handle each item once if you can.
- Keep. Things your parent uses regularly, needs, or truly loves, and that fit the new space.
- Give to family. Items family members have asked for. Let relatives claim things early, and set a deadline for pickup.
- Sell. Furniture, collectibles and tools with resale value. Estate sales, consignment shops and online marketplaces are common options.
- Donate. Usable clothes, housewares and books. Many charities offer pickups for furniture.
- Discard or recycle. Broken items, expired food and medicines, and old paperwork that isn't needed. Shred anything with personal information.
When your parent is stuck on an item, a few questions can help: When did you last use it? Would you buy it again today? Does someone else need it more? Is there a photo that would keep the memory?
Room by room
Attic, basement and garage
Start here because these spaces hold the most and stir fewer emotions. Many items can go without much debate.
Kitchen
Keep a small set of dishes, a few pots and the gadgets that actually get used. In assisted living, where most meals are provided, a microwave, kettle and a few mugs may be enough.
Closets
Keep comfortable, easy-to-wear clothes for each season. Shoes with good grip are worth keeping; tricky fastenings and high heels may not be.
Living room and bedroom
Choose the furniture that fits the floor plan. Keep favorite photos, a few decorative pieces and things that make the new place feel like home.
Papers and documents
Keep important documents together in one folder or box: identification, insurance, financial accounts, the will, powers of attorney and advance directives. The National Institute on Aging has a checklist of documents to have in order1.
Handling the emotions
Downsizing is a practical job, but it's also an emotional one. Your parent may be grieving a home, a stage of life or the independence it represented. They may feel pressured, or worry about being a burden.
- Let your parent lead decisions about their own things whenever possible.
- Take breaks. Two or three hours of sorting is plenty for one day.
- Listen to the stories behind objects. Recording them can mean as much as keeping the item.
- Photograph things before they go, or make a small memory book.
- Avoid arguing over items. If something matters to them, find a way to keep it or a piece of it.
If your parent is resisting the move itself, our guide to talking to parents about senior living has ideas for those conversations.
Getting help
- Family and friends. Divide tasks by strengths: one person handles sales, another paperwork, another packing.
- Senior move managers. These professionals specialize in helping older adults downsize and move, from floor plans to unpacking. The National Association of Senior & Specialty Move Managers has a member directory2.
- Estate sale companies. They can price and sell large amounts of household goods, usually for a share of the proceeds.
- Charities and junk haulers. Many will pick up donations or clear what's left.
Ask any company for references, a written estimate and proof of insurance before you hire them.
Read moreMoving a Parent to Senior Living: A Step-by-Step Plan
Money and paperwork to handle
- Selling the house. If your parent sells a home they've owned and lived in, some or all of the gain may be excluded from income if they meet IRS ownership and use tests3. A tax professional can explain how the rules apply.
- Change of address. File a change of address with the Postal Service4, and update Social Security, Medicare, banks, pensions and insurers.
- Utilities and subscriptions. Schedule shutoffs for the old home and cancel services that won't be needed.
- Keep receipts. Records of moving and sale costs can help at tax time.
If the move is part of a bigger financial plan, see our guide to paying for senior living.
Packing and moving day
- Pack an essentials box. Medicines, glasses, hearing aids and chargers, a few days of clothes, toiletries, important papers and a favorite blanket or photo.
- Label clearly. Mark boxes by room and contents in large print.
- Set up the bedroom first. Making the bed and hanging familiar pictures helps the new place feel like home on the first night.
- Plan the day around your parent. Some people prefer to be there; others do better spending the day with a friend and arriving when things are set up.
Moving into assisted living? Our moving to assisted living checklist covers the details.
