Your mom calls, flustered. A man said her grandson was in jail and needed bail, and she just bought several gift cards and read him the numbers. Or your dad mentions, almost in passing, that he wired money to "the bank's fraud department" this morning. Your heart sinks. What do you do first?
Take a breath, then move quickly. Once money goes to a scammer it's often gone, but sometimes it can be stopped or recovered, especially if you act right away1. This page is an urgent checklist for the hours and days after a scam. For warning signs, common scam types and long-term protection, see our companion guide to elder financial abuse. If your parent is in physical danger or being threatened, call 911.
In the first hour: stop the damage
- End all contact. Hang up, stop replying to messages, and don't call back numbers the scammer gave. Scammers often call again with a new story.
- Don't send more money. Even if the caller says it will "fix" things or release the first payment.
- Call the bank or card company. Use the number on the back of the card or on a statement, not one the scammer provided. Say it was fraud1.
- Contact the payment company. Gift card issuer, wire service, payment app or crypto exchange, based on how your parent paid. See the next section.
- Disconnect any device the scammer accessed. If your parent let someone into the computer remotely, turn it off and unplug it from the internet until it can be checked.
- Write things down. Names used, phone numbers, websites, amounts, times and how money was sent. Save texts, emails, receipts and the gift cards themselves.
If your parent can't make the calls, sit with them and help, or make the calls with them on speaker. Banks and companies may need your parent's permission to talk with you unless you have legal authority.
Trying to get money back, by payment type
- Credit or debit card. Call the card company right away and dispute the charge1.
- Bank transfer or withdrawal. Contact the bank immediately and ask it to stop or reverse the transfer1.
- Wire transfer. Call the bank or wire company right away, report a fraudulent transfer, and ask for it to be reversed. It's unlikely, but it's important to ask1.
- Gift cards. Contact the company that issued the card right away. Tell them the card was used in a scam and ask for the money back. Keep the card and receipt1.
- Cash or money order sent by mail. Try to stop delivery, and contact the U.S. Postal Inspection Service if the mail was used12. You may also be able to stop payment on a money order1.
- Payment apps and cryptocurrency. Report the transaction to the app or exchange right away and ask whether it can be stopped. Crypto payments are rarely reversible, so act quickly.
- Cash handed to a courier. Call local police right away with any description of the person and vehicle.
Not every payment can be recovered, and that's not your parent's fault. Reporting quickly still helps investigators and sometimes leads to refunds later1.
What to say when you call
Calls go faster when you're prepared. Have the account or card number, the amount, the date and time, and how the money was sent. A simple script helps:
Ask for the claim number, the name of the person you spoke with, and what happens next. Write it all down. If the first person can't help, ask for the fraud department or a supervisor.
If you're helping a parent with their accounts
Banks and companies usually can't discuss your parent's accounts with you without their permission. The quickest route is to make the call together, with your parent confirming they want you to speak for them. If you hold a durable power of attorney that covers finances, bring a copy, since many banks will act on it after reviewing it.
If your parent has memory problems and no one has legal authority, the bank may still freeze suspicious activity, and Adult Protective Services can step in when someone is being exploited. Longer term, talk with your parent about putting a power of attorney in place while they can still sign it. See power of attorney for an elderly parent and Social Security representative payee.
Within the day: secure accounts and identity
Many scams don't stop at one payment. If your parent shared personal information, passwords or account access, take these steps:
- Change passwords for email, bank and shopping accounts, starting with email. Turn on two-step verification.
- Ask the bank about closing or flagging affected accounts and issuing new cards.
- Place a security freeze on your parent's credit with each of the three credit bureaus. It's free and stops new accounts being opened in their name48.
- If a Social Security number, Medicare number or account numbers were shared, follow the recovery plan at IdentityTheft.gov3.
- Have a trusted technician check any computer or phone the scammer accessed for remote-access software.
- Review recent statements for other unfamiliar charges.
Report the scam
Reporting can feel pointless, but it helps law enforcement spot patterns and sometimes leads to recovered money1. Report to:
- The FTC. At ReportFraud.ftc.gov. You'll get next steps based on how your parent paid51.
- The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center. For scams that happened online or through email, texts or payment apps6.
- Local police. Get a report number. Banks and card companies may ask for it.
- The National Elder Fraud Hotline. Run by the Department of Justice's Office for Victims of Crime. Case managers help older adults and families report and find resources7.
- Medicare. If your parent shared their Medicare number or you see services they didn't get9.
- Social Security's Inspector General. For scams involving Social Security or impersonating the agency10.
- The Postal Inspection Service. If mail was used2.
If someone your parent knows, such as a caregiver or relative, took the money, it may be financial exploitation. Adult Protective Services can help. See the reporting section of elder financial abuse.
Beware of recovery scams
People who have been scammed are often targeted again. A caller may claim to be from a government agency, a law firm or a "recovery service" that can get the money back, for a payment. If anyone asks your parent to pay to get a refund from the FTC or any other government agency, it's a scam1.
Tell your parent plainly: "No one legitimate will ask you to pay to get your money back." Consider changing their phone number if scam calls keep coming, and put the number on call-blocking services.
Talking with your parent without shame
Your parent may feel embarrassed, angry or afraid you'll take away their independence. Scammers are skilled professionals who use fear, urgency and affection. Being scammed isn't a sign of weakness, and it can happen to anyone.
- Start with comfort. "I'm so sorry this happened. You're not in trouble. Let's fix what we can together."
- Avoid blame. Questions like "How could you fall for that?" make people hide future scams.
- Ask what happened. Calmly, so you can capture details for the reports.
- Agree on next steps. Let your parent make the calls they can, with you beside them.
- Watch for emotional fallout. Shame, anxiety and depression are common after fraud. See depression in older adults.
If the scam involved a romantic relationship, your parent may still care about the person. Be patient. It can take time to accept that the relationship was fake.
In the weeks ahead
- Follow up on every dispute and claim, and keep a log of who you spoke to and when.
- Check your parent's credit reports for new accounts.
- Watch for new scam attempts, which often come soon after the first.
- Talk with your parent about setting up account alerts and a trusted contact at the bank11. Warn them, too, about robocalls offering free medical alert systems, a common pitch.
- Consider whether your parent needs more help managing money. See managing an elderly parent's finances.
Preventing it from happening again
People who've been scammed once are at higher risk of being scammed again. A few changes help a lot:
- Agree on a family rule. "Before sending money to anyone you haven't met, call me first."
- Use a family code word. For calls claiming a grandchild is in trouble.
- Limit exposure. Call blocking, caller ID, spam filters and an unlisted number.
- Add safeguards. Account alerts, lower daily limits, a trusted contact at the bank, and automatic bill payments11.
- Put legal authority in place. A durable power of attorney lets a trusted person step in. See power of attorney for an elderly parent.
- Keep your parent connected. Loneliness makes people more open to scammers who offer friendship. See loneliness in older adults.
If your parent keeps falling for scams despite these steps, it may be a sign of memory or judgment problems. Talk with their doctor. See early signs of dementia and, in the rare cases where a parent can no longer protect themselves, guardianship as a last resort.
When scams and care needs overlap
Scams sometimes reveal that a parent living alone needs more support. Regular check-ins, a trusted person reviewing mail and accounts, or help at home can reduce risk. If you're considering a move, see when an elderly parent insists on living alone. Free local help, including legal aid and money management programs, can often be found through the Eldercare Locator12.
